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.mY_oWn_LiL_wOrLd.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

7:37AM - .Grown up.

Hahha, this journal is like a drama series. I have liked so many guys, at the same time even. Haha, thats stopped. I've grown up so much. I was pretty gay on a bunch of my posts. This is crazy. I am gonna go read some more. I hope you read this tick. Your the greatest. <3

Current mood: good

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

8:09PM - .Threats.

okay, here are two messages two guys replied to on my blog on myspace:


...bye some chris guy that goes to my school:

Okay i have a question....why are you people actually nice to these faggots...they're scum.... they aren't worth you politeness, we need to off all homo's and then our home we call Planet Earth would be a much better place....So for kids like Stan Melvin and all the other FAGS at Pike Central don't be nice when you see them, spit in the father fuckers face man or hit him or do something to let that piece of shit know that we don't think being gay is okay and we are going to bring the gay race to an end......

AS FOR ME AND MY PEOPLE, WE WILL STAND IN THIS TIME AND TAKE THE GAYHOLOCAUST TO THE NEXT LEVEL....TOTAL ANARCHY WILL BUST OUT IN THE HALLS OF PIKE CENTRAL AND THE HEADS OF THE FAGS WILL BE LAYING AT MY FEET!!!!!!!


***********************************************************************************************************

J.P.


Feb 15, 2006 8:57 AM

I am writing in regards to ur most current blog.." its time to grow up" i know chris burton and i share the same opinion.. we dont wanna see fags around 2 cute to be straight.. are you shitting me .. i think im gonna throw up.. i wanna know what drove you to being gay... you werent born gay ? did like ur dad rape you or some shit.. what ? couldnt get a girl ? i dont understand it...i do wanna say this tho.. before you go jumping the gun and gettin everybody all excited about what burton said.. u might want to watch ur step .. burton has friends and i am one of them.. i take my friendship seriously.. watch what you say homo

*********************************************************************************************************** that makes me absolutely sick. That is two i have gotten within the last three days. People need to grow up. I wish they would try to do something about. I am not scared of it so they better get used to it.

Current mood: independent

Sunday, February 12, 2006

9:03PM - Sounds good

I might as well be in the mood to update. I need to try for tick. ;). Last night was awesome. Me, amber, and tyler. Also about everyone else at school, went to Adam's concert. It was great. we had a blast. People there were pretty pushy. I was scared amber or casey were gonna get hurt. I was everyone. Lol, it was fun tho. I finally got my smelly goodness from A&F omg, i love that stuff. It would have to be my biggest turn on. I just love the way people smell. Especially someone who won't be mentioned. They also gave me my V-day present. It was so sweet. He got me a rose and a spongebob thing holding candy. Arg, it was sweet. It will be hard to get him something. I ordered something off of ebay i know he will love. But it is going to be way late, and i don't know what to get him in the meantime cuz i don't want him thinking that i just am not gonna get him anything. I know he will love it tho.
I can't wait till friday, i get to go to indy with piano class. Will be lots of fun.

Current mood: content

Saturday, February 11, 2006

1:22PM - wow

it makes me sick to go back and read my old journal entries. I was in love with a different person every week. Wow, have i changed. Lol, i am in love. But not like i was w/ joei. *barf* Or with Tyler, ben, blah blah blah. This shit is dumb. And i said being w/ joei was the best day ever! So young, so stupid. I'm glad i am older, but i promise you everyone, i won't get on here and right about someone different every time. I won't write about the person i love. So it won't be about love. SO maybe just things that happen, and like a journal should be. I might sound more like a boy, instead of a 13 year old girl in love with every guy she meets. Sickening.

Current mood: barf

1:14PM - maybe

i might start updating this again considering i have a computer, i dunno. Depends how bored i am.

Current mood: loved

Friday, January 28, 2005

1:29PM - .The Same Is To Come.

I think i mentioned a while back that my computer was going byebye. Well, it did. I'm fine, cept i cannot talk to Ben on here. I have luckily been able to get on lately and email him and stuff. But its killing me, but i thought i should update since i have a whole period of doing nothing. Well i should be helping with this Josquin Des Prez report. But i'm lazy, and i dont' know the people in my group, all guys. >.<

Speaking of guys. I have no guy, like alwayz XD. Its not killing me, i just hate being lonely. I actually went to church. Did my thinking. I got really depressed there for awhile cuz i thought i was Damned. And i don't believe i am. I would know it, god would not let me go to hell not knowing. If so, thats not a god i would want to serve. But i don't believe he is like that. O well, i'm still confused of course.

Nathan, arg. He is so stupid. Still taking advantage of me. I wish he wouldn't be so weird about talking to me at skool. It isn't like he is "gay"...I don't know, if Brett isn't in science. He talks to me all period. But he takes advantage of me as well. I gave him all the answers to the homework, stopped his ass from getting a 0. I shouldn't do that. What does he do for me? He sits there and avoids me, pretty much not taking the time of day to talk to me. I guess i will alwayz be damned in a way. Damned from having guy friends.

I want to go to E-ville tonight to get new shoes. I hope marci goes for it. She prolly won't tho.

Umm, what else. Skool is okay i guess. My freaking art project died yesterday, it really pissed me off. Long story, but hopefully i will catch back up and it wont' look bad. Heck, i can do it. Wooh, thtas the spirit...

Okay, thats enuff..time to go be bored some more.

Current mood: sleepy

Thursday, January 13, 2005

10:00PM - .It has been awhile.

Another pointless entry. Get ready for your socks to be knocked off...woot!. no Nothing really has happened today. We are finally gonna have an art club formation meeting on tuesday of next week. I'm so excited.

The only interfesting thing that has happened really is me calling nathan. He has Linda's game. Arg, i forgot all about that. I feel so horrible. I think i am gonna buy her a new one. Just incase of one scratch that could be put on it. He prolly won't have it tomorrow. I think when i go to the mall sat. i will just get her a new one, and keep the one for myself, i've been in need of one that plays. lol
Anywayz, i called nathan. Told him that i needed it, well reminded him. And he started looking for it. It was comicle of course. But actually the conversation got serious. It was kinda weird. After awhile of talking, he decided to tell me that it has been a long time since we had really talked. Which kinda suprised me. Then he told me that he was avoiding me at skool really. Which kinda upset me, but i totally understand. Everyone is calling him gay. And he isn't. But i told him not to worry about it. He knows what he is. Tho i wish he wasn't. I told him that, i told him about my dreams. I told him that he is gonna be bi in the future. He just laffed and said he didn't think so. But i do. Lol, alot of stuff was talked about. I'm actually glad i called him. Haven't talked to him really in a long time. We weren't as sarcastic. Yeah, i flirted. He disagreed and joked occasionally. Nothing serious. It just makes me happi we talked for real. lol

I also got asked if i would go to the prom with someone. Haha, Brittany Nelson. She is gonna ask this one guy and if he has a date, she wants to go w/ me. So i was like. ALRIGHT! lol, cuz i wanna go. I am gonna look good.

I'm going to Cuties tomorrow night with Becka, Sarah, and Amanda. I think its gonna be awesome. Then sat. i getta by some clothes. Finally, a more interfesting weekend.

Current mood: better

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

10:28PM - .Holy Shit.

Jake left me a comment. On my latest entry before this. Omg, he blocked me awhile back. He said he don't even know why. But i don't really care. I think its awesome that were talking again. I liked him so much back in the day. And he is hott as hell as ever. He has a boyfriend that he really loves, and i'm really happi for you. But he said he thinks i'm hott now. Which is awesome, cuz before i wasn't his type. Lol, wow. This made my day totally. I'm just amazed.

Current mood: amazed

6:10PM - .Dreams.

Wow, i'm getting better at updating again. Skool, was skool. In biology he sits behind me again. So i will getta talk to him more. Today he did the thing he normally did. He would just say something and i would turn around and look at him. So weird.

I also had this dream last night. I didn't remember it till i walked into the skool. Its about a different' "him" then the one i've been talking about. I really don't wanna say names, it will get back to him. Anywayz, i've never really thought about liking this guy, i mean. Yeah, he is cute. But he has his downfalls...He is into drugs. Which is a turn off. I just don't like what they do to people. But i still kinda have an attraction to him. Plus someone told me he his bi. That works for me. lol

I want matt to call me agian today. It was so great talking to him. I also need to talk to daniel. He called when i was sleeping, but i was to lazy to get up. Haha, yeah. I miss Ben too =(...I don't ever get to talk to him considering the time difference. *cries*

I think i leave now.

Current mood: devious

12:24AM - .Never coulda guessed.

Matt. Wow, its scary. We are SOOOOO much alike. I just got off the phone with him, we had been talking for like 2 hours. It was great. It was what i was needing to not think about mr.str8y. Buuuut, Matt lives in Florida. As long as Daniel. Which is fine. We like each other cuz were so much alike. Its so funni. I will be talking about Joei, he has someone in his life like that. I will talk about my "crush." Same thing has been going on. The skool days are the same and everything. Its awesome to have someone so close to me. Its like talking to myself. Hopefully we will talk ALOT more. God, it would be great to fall asleep with him. He is like SUPER yummy. I love his hair so much. Here is a link to his profile on facebattle.
http://www.facebattle.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=quickandsimple
I think that will work. Just put it in the URL bar. I'm to lazy to let you just click on it =P. I better go to bed now. Hopefully dreams will be nice to me tonight. >.

Current mood: contemplative

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

4:34PM - .It will only continue.

2 hour delay again. And for the rest of the week. WHEE! Not. First period. math, the usual. We are just messing graphing linear inequalities. Easy stuff, tho i need to do the homework. woot

Biology. Dum, dum dum. I see him. Didn't really bother me then. I talked to him a little bit yesterday, and i was fine. And biology i was fine again. Went to Housing. That class is SOOO boring. Then lunch. Amanda's boyfriend cheated on her. Arg, i feel so bad for her. I wanna kick the sluts ass that did it. lol, but she cannot cuz she is 18, and it is illegal. So i decided i would do it, and when i got in trouble i would say it was cuz i was gay. lol

Okay, i'm gonna fucking kill my neice. I can't even update this thing cuz she wants on. She won't get it thru her fat head that Ben is only on at this time. Big time difference.

Anywayz, i get to gym. And it him me. Like hell. I didn't talk to him all thru gym. But every time i would dribble the ball, it felt like my heart was being hit with a hammer...Just thump, thump, thump. Arg, but i did talk to him eventually. On the way out. We were walking to the next class together and we walked close and bumped a couple times. But it was like he was trying to get away from me, he was walking really fast. Tho i think thats just him. Because i wasn't the only one walking close to the other.

Fuck, i gotta go. My computer is being str8 once again. I might update later, considering fighting for it. I hate family sometimes...

Current mood: crushed

Monday, January 10, 2005

5:33PM - .Better I Shall Do.

Went to skool. The schedule was all messed up cuz of the two hour delay. Confused me a little to much. But the whole "him" thing is doing better a bit now. I seen him, talked to him. It seems to help. Only i want him so much more. He is so stubborn. Arg, he makes my heart ache, even not meaning to.

I haven't got to talk to daniel at all lately. I miss the little boi...Then there is older daniel. I miss him too, i haven't talked to him since the break up, tho Jo has called me a couple times. I told her to tell him some things for me. Hopefully she remembered.

I already miss Ben as well. He text messaged me the other day, it was so sweet. It really made my day. I text'd him back as well. Then there is this Matt guy from Florida. I absolutely love his hair. We swapped numbers. I also text'd him...I'm such a whore.

Nothing really to update about. Just thought i would mention that i am doing better. Someone else asked me today if i had a livejournal cuz someone was telling them about it, lol. Apparently i'm interfesting. Mwahahha, right.

Current mood: WHORE!!!

Saturday, January 8, 2005

10:27PM - quizzy..lol


What do your LJ friends say about you?
LJ Username
Age:
Gender:
Favorite Color:
Favorite Scent:
Says you are sweet: only_linda
Thinks you are mean: hunchr97
Wants to get to know you better: speedoswimmer89
Wishes to kiss you: maurakay
Has nightmares about you: starpunk1125
Secretly desires to have sex with you: jamesbock
This quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 44532 Times.
</a>
New - Help with love and dating!

8:10AM - .It Continues.

Growl, its back. I hate it. Well, not really. I am just way to stubborn. I just wish i could have him...But i cannot. It just takes time. I will. I'm to stubborn to give up. Way to stubborn. I just want him so bad.

Okay, enough with that. Nothing has happened over the week really. 3d art is really hard for me. We are messing with Clay now. I am making a star dish. If i can make it look like it does in my head it will be pretty nifty, but fat chance of that.

Wow, this thing is really hard to update when there isn't anything worth updating about. I think the only reason i am updating is because of him. Arg, sometimes i just wanna take him and squeeze his guts out. Okay, maybe not. I care to much about him. But it just kills me.

I think i will update when i can think.

Current mood: discontent

Monday, January 3, 2005

7:26PM - .Fits Perfectly.

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold you
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on


You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Those lyrics go to Ben. They fit perfectly. Omg, it gave me the chills. I was just listening to the radio, and i heard it. And it made me think of him. It was amazing. God, i want him so bad.

I haven't talked to daniel today, probably because i've been online. I probably should get off so he can call. I miss the boi.

Went to skool for the first time in two weeks. Nothing happened really. I got Music History with Maura. So thats absoultey great. I miss her so much, and now she is stuck in the same class room with me. *squeals* lol, that was gay.

*someone* told me they didn't belive i was gay. It was really wierd, because he is himself. It was really weird, i can't believe he thought i wasn't. He thinks i'm lying. Still i think. It sux cuz i'm not...

Okay, i'm done now...

Current mood: Lovely.

Sunday, January 2, 2005

8:47PM - .Stupid computer.

Damnit, i am so not use to this msn i have now. Its really confuzzling, everything is all together. I got some stuff worth updating.

I did get to go to Mandi's New years eve night. It was great. It was just me, her, and chris. And i did feel like i was intruding a lil bit, i just didn't wanna get in there way. So i just went in did my own things a couple times. Liiiike, get into her pants. Lol, thats sounds so dirty. But i went in her closet and put on a pair of her jeans, which were tight in the crotch, but looked pretty good. And then i put on some pink fishnet and a black shirt. It was cute. Lol, then i put on her sexeh dress, just to make her laff her ass off. I was never so glad to get outta anything in my life. I felt really gay. lol.

We sat around and watched a hundred movies. We watched Queen of the Damned. Omg, omg, omg. Lestat, who is played by Stuart Townsend, is the sexiest thing ever. I almost died. But i wanted to kill the bitch who got to bite his boob. It was so not fair. I went to look like that guy, i have never complained so much ever.

We also watched Fight Club. That movies is freaking weird. I didn't understand hardly any of it. But mandi seems to love it. So go it.

Ummm, oh yea. I am Boycotting walmart. I went there to see if i could find Interview with a Vampire. And they didn't have one fucking Anne Rice book. It pissed me off. She is the most amazing writer, and they don't have her books, so they don't have my business. I screamed real loud when i was leaving. "I'M GOING TO K-MART" and my family like pretended they didnt kknow me. It was funni.. We did go to K-mart, but they were lame as well. We went to Sam Goody's and i bought Benny & Joon. Omg, Johnny Depp is so fucking adorable in that movie. You just want to take him and cuddle with him. I think its the cutest i've ever seen him, and hes alwayz dead sexeh.

I go back to skool tomorrow. YAY! not, really. Lol, it will be boring. I just don't wanna wake up in the morning. I did make this cool pair of pants tho. They are freaking awesome. I make like a square cut out, but left a patch of fabric and cut it in half, its weird. And then i took the scissor and sniped this design in em. And after they got outta the dryer it was all puffy and shit. And then i bleached the top of em. I am gonna wear em tomorrow. I wonder what people will think.

Okay, thats enuff for now. If i think of anything else worth mentioning i will put it up.

Current mood: content

Thursday, December 30, 2004

1:02AM - .The nothingness continues.

Man, i'm so ready to get outta this fucking house. I've been here forever. lol. I've been playing video games like crazy. The main one right now is Silent Hill 4. Its pretty good. Very confuzzling tho.

Ummm, what else has happend. I talked to Tyler Gross' mommy today. This is the tyler i said was hott in a couple journal entries back. The only reason i did this was because i knew him mother would read it. He told me that his mother reads my journals to make sure i dont' say anything about him. And she started saying something to me on MSN...At first i thought she was going to chew me out. But actually she is really cool. She told me she just didn't want rumors going around about him. And i told her that i don't like him like that and everything. And then she told me how she wasn't homophobic. She thinks they are the same as everyone else. And this really made me like her. So i feel bad about all that.

I haven't talked to mandi in awhile. I dont' think her New Years thing is gonna work. >.<. I really wanted to go see her. We were gonna goth out together. It would be so much fun. Even if this don't work i told her i still wanted to go goth out with her. lol. She is good with makeup. We can experiment together.

Umm, nothing else really happened. Talked to daniel for alittle bit. he got mad at me cuz i was playing silent hill. Meep. Jo also called me. This suprised the shit outta me. I figured Daniel nor Jo would talk to me anymore. But she called jus cuz she hadn't talked to me in awhile. That made me smile. woot.

Thats enuff for now. I'm gonna go talk to Kyle and everyone. Then sleep, lol.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

2:44AM - .The same thing.

I have no life. I have now decided it. All i do is sit on my fat ass, getting fatter. Play video games or get online. But i never update my journal anymore, prolly because i have no life and nothing happens. Umm, today. Let's see. I talked to daniel. Talked to theo. Talking to Ben. lol. Oh yeah, i kinda ended things with big daniel. Tho we will try to meet, and if we do. We might get back together. But he was very understanding. I plan to go to florida this summer. I just dunno how to do it exactly. Gotta find a friend that is willing to go on a road trip with me. lol Shit, this could be my shortest entry ever. lol. O well.

Current mood: fatass

Saturday, December 25, 2004

7:52PM - .Omg, melts.

Okay, i'm officially going to England. I just heard Ben on mic. Omg, omg omg. Omg. I can't stand up damnit. He has the accent that you see in movies. The one you just melt for. The one you wish you had. Omg, he thinks my accent is cute. I sound like a bloody redneck. Ugh, i hate it. But omg, ben's now. Lol, it made me cry it was so hott. Omg, i can't stop thinking about it. Deffinately the hottest thing i've ever heard. I love it, i love him.

I've been talking to daniel all day as well. I cannot ask for more. He is the sweetest thiing ever. And has the cutest american accent i've ever heard tho. He is just a boi of many voices. lol. I love him to death. I want to meet him so bad. I can really tell he cares about me. But i think i'm upsetting him because of ben and stuff. I feel horrible. I wish i could prove it to him that i loved him so much. I cuddle my pillow at night wishing it was a 13 year old. Thats pretteh bad. Lol, but i don't care. I also have a boyfriend. Which makes it worse. I'm not considering it blown completely. Maybe i can still meet him. But i doubt it.

I dressed up all goth for ben and daniel. I hope they liked it. Lol, i really went all out. I wish mandi would have seen it. I think she would have gotten a kick outta it. I have some new pics on this site. Check em out. The first two are the new ones...
http://vampirefreaks.com/profile.php?user=2qte2bstr8

Oh, btw. Tyler Gross is so hott. O.o (Hi tyler's mommy)...pathetic.

Current mood: orgasmic

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

8:00PM - .The unusual thing to happen on semester break.

Wow, my day was. um Boring but interfesting. The whole day was the same. Nathan talked to me alittle bit. He needed my help with biology of course. He hadda copy. Lol, loser. Anywayz after that he continued to give me his weird looks and everything. He has been cute with me this week. And then everything else was the same. I only got 99/100 on my self potrait better. It wasn't that good. I changed my mind. lol

Then after school. I had to work on my fashion project. But of course, i got distracted. It ended up being just me and tyler. And i got flirtzy, and i ended up kissing him. He acted like he liked it, he said he has been waiting for that for awhile. lol I think it kinda freaked him out to. He likes Jamie. I really think he should go for her. He is really hott. But i think he knows things won't happen between us. It would be impossible. Cuz everyone knows i'm gay. And tyler won't risk it. And its fine, i just thought it was nice to finally kiss someone. He is a good kisser, he didn't shove his tongue down my throat. Gotta respect that.

Umm, thats all that happened. I got home and now i'm talking to daniel and ben. Got a message from daniel. Saying that he missed me and such. i really got to meet him if things are gonna work, if not, then they won't.. I can tell you that much, i really just wanna be held, and him being there isn't holding me. Me, ben, and little daniel are all gonna have a threesome. Its gonna be hott. We will shoot some photos. Lol, they will be fun to stare at.

Current mood: content

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